I should have worn a tunic and breeches. At least I could have breathed. Getting a family isn't as easy or as fun as I thought it would be. I remember now why I prefer to stick to myself. Fiamme was kind about it though. We will talk...I don't look forward to it. I don't like uncomfortable talks.

I would leave...were I not bound to the Kitezh Embassy. I promised Sebastopol that I would care for it in everyone's absence and I will. It's strange but nice to know I have a home of sorts to return to any time it pleases me and that there is no price to be paid for it.  It's home...for now. Nothing lasts for forever though so I will enjoy it while I have it.

I have come to terms that I am in love with a man who does not love me back in the way I want him to. That too is for the best, for things change and it is best to have a taste of joy than to have none at all. I want him to be happy, to have a family, to have children. I want to see him be happy and for that I have to put aside my own selfish feelings and be his friend. I will always love him, perhaps I will always love him because we will never be more than what we are, there will never be more to get in the way of things. He knows how I feel...and I know how he feels. We have come to an understanding without having to speak it. I am happy...though I am sad. He has given me his trust though in many matters...it is a better gift than his heart in a way.